The room is dark with only a faint sliver of light sneaking its way under the door. I smell sage burning on the altar in front of me and feel the presence of my relatives sitting on the floor, like me, backs resting against the walls of the small room.

To my left sits my husband making prayers, a job that he has done thousands of times before in his role as a Dakota Spiritual Leader. I listen to his voice rise and fall in a rhythm that reminds me of ocean waves breaking on the shore.

The familiar Dakota words comfort me and I feel a peacefulness surround me like a warm blanket. I think of the brightly colored altar cloth stretched out in front of him on the floor and all the sacred items that he places upon it so carefully– an eagle wing, a pouch of tobacco, an offering of food and water, a round deer hide rattle filled with sacred white stones and his Canupa – the sacred pipe.

Suddenly the rattle comes alive and begins to shake, filling the room with sound. I hear muffled voices praying fervently nearby, which reminds me of why I am here.

“Tunkansida Ate Wakan Tanka, Pida maya piye. Pahan Pte San Win miye ye. Honamahun ye. Beautiful Creator of all that is, Grandmothers and Grandfathers. It’s me again, your granddaughter, Grey Swan Buffalo Woman. Can you listen to my words?”

I speak softly and, knowing they can hear me, I continue. “Thank you Creator for loving me so completely. My heart is full with the love you have for me and my love for you. Thank you for all the gifts I have received.”

In the blackened room, a soft white light appears in front of my eyes and begins to swirl. Round and round it grows brighter with each turn. The white light fades to a soft yellow, then orange and finally red – so beautiful and brilliant that I can see nothing but light. To my right I feel a Sacred Spirit with me who is gentle and loving, a Grandmother bending down to comfort her grandchild. I cry for the love of it.

“Kunsi, pida maya piye. Thank you my Grandmother,” I say.

All is quiet, until I hear a voice speak to me in my mind.

“It’s time,” she whispers. “Tell them, teach them. Write. This is your Sacred Work and you are ready.”

I sob quietly, overwhelmed by her love and her message. And I now know exactly what I have to do.

3 pow wow dancers

Initially the idea of sharing my thoughts and experiences with you and the whole wide world was daunting. In fact, it scared me outright. Still, I knew the guidance I received in the ceremony that day was true.

Why me, you might be wondering? I know I have.

Perhaps, it is because I am a simple woman living an extraordinary life. Through my relationship with Taku Wakan, something Sacred, I have learned LOVE is available within each breath I take, with each beat of my heart, within each cell of my being. It is everywhere and it is always. I have seen it, felt it and come to know it. And, somewhere along this incredible journey, at the perfect time and place, I Married a Holy Man.

With a commitment to never allow fear to hold me back, I write. This is what I write about.

Join us next week for Blog post #2 He Knows





32 Responses

  1. Thank you for sharing your story Pahan. How it will move and teach people, no one knows, but i can understand how much strength, courage and commitment to put the words down on paper.

  2. Beautifully written in such a heartfelt, compelling manner that I want to hear more. Thank you, Pahan, for sharing your journey with us, and promising to shed light on the many facets of love.

  3. Hi Pahan

    This is so interesting. Thanks for inviting me to the blog – I look forward to reading more of your writing and stories.

    Take Care,

  4. You are a constant source of inspiration. I love your words, your teachings, and your role to reawaken and hold the sacred feminine alongside Wanbdi. I see your relationship as part of a great cycle to renew balance in this world.

  5. I am so excited and thrilled for you. Your writing takes me back to Yellowknife to ceremonies and to Sundance. It is good you are inspired to write.
    With love, marilyn

  6. Absolutely stunning. You took me there and my heart sank into that place of love, reminding me…..reminding me……and I am so grateful to you that you have taken up the work that scares you. It is a gift to us all. Heather

  7. Wow, what a beautiful way to begin this new journey of yours! You’ve done a fantastic job on the website. I only wonder, why not you! I can’t wait to read more of what you are willing to share………
    Forever grateful,

  8. I am an Ojibway woman. I feel your words in my heart and they are warming.
    I am a resolution support worker with Anish in Winnipeg and would appreciate to hear more of your writings.

    1. Thank you Deborah. That is very kind of you. Visit to view some of our teachings. You can also subscribe to the blog and to the youtube channel.

Leave a Reply to pahanptesanwin Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.